


So Long As I Have You

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Series: Lifemates AU [5]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Children, Cuddles, Dysphoria, Family Planning, M/M, Trans Sportacus (LazyTown), Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 22:37:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11450496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: Sportacus and Robbie have been dating for a while. Sportacus is starting to wonder what their future might be like, but worries that he won't be able to make it a reality for the man he loves.





	So Long As I Have You

The night sky was gorgeous. Sportacus rarely got to see it for very long, given his rigid sleep schedule, but tonight was different. He just couldn’t sleep; his body was still, but his mind couldn’t settle. As if to add to such an absurdity, Robbie let out an abruptly monstrous snore beside him before turning over in his sleep. The hero couldn’t help but let himself smile at the sheer irony of their mismatched habits.

He stared up through the domed roof above their heads. Sportacus had already tried counting the stars to try and make himself sleepy, but it hadn’t worked. At least the view was pretty. Then again, so was the sight beside him. Sportacus looked over at his sleeping partner. The moonlight illuminated Robbie’s long face perfectly, highlighting the lovely cheeks that ballooned whenever he let himself smiled, and the adorably round ears that promptly turned as red as tomatoes whenever Sportacus kissed him in front of the kids. The town’s villain mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, hugging his pillow tightly as some spittle escaped his soft lips and dripped onto its case. Even now, Sportacus still wasn’t sure exactly why the gorgeous Robbie Rotten had been willing to give someone like him a chance…but Sportacus was forever thankful that he had.

They were an incredibly unlikely couple, the elf knew. Complete opposites in so many ways. Hero and villain, athlete and couch potato, short and tall, restless and focused…yet somehow they seemed to keep making things work. Sportacus had never been happier in his life. Ironically, that happiness was what had him so anxious that he couldn’t sleep. He and Robbie _were_ so different that Sportacus found himself worrying about just how much polarization the two of them could stand when he came to what each of them wanted from their miracle of a relationship. Particularly when it came to a very specific subject…

“Sportacus,” a sleepy, slurred voice mumbled from Robbie’s pillow. “I can feel you staring again.”

The elf jumped before his body automatically stiffened with guilt and he turned his eyes back to the sky overhead. “Sorry, Robbie!”

Blankets shifted beside him.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Robbie asked with a yawn.

“Nothing is wrong, Robbie. You should go back to sleep.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“I…no.” Sportacus tried to focus really hard on how the mist crawling along the ground was slowly surrounding the glass dome above him.

“How late is it?”

The hero swallowed. “A-after 8:08?” It wasn’t a lie; he just didn’t want to admit _how_ much after his usual bedtime it was.

“Then something’s wrong.” Robbie shifted to a more comfortable position. “Spill it.”

Sportacus stayed silent for a second, chewing on his lower lip. “It’s…nothing, really.”

“ _Sportacus_.”

He winced.

“I know you. If you’re up this late, it’s not nothing. I’m already up, so you might as well—” Robbie interrupted himself with a yawn. “—tell me what’s bothering you so we can figure it out and go back to bed.”

The elf sighed. He fiddled with the edge of the blanket to occupy his hands as his mind tried to turn his muddled thoughts into words. “What…what do you think about...” Sportacus took a deep breath to steady himself. “…about a family?”

There was silence in the bedroom for a minute before Sportacus heard Robbie sit upright beside him.

“Okay,” Robbie groaned as he moved. “Guess it’s the heavy stuff tonight. Okay, Sportakook, elaborate.”

Sportacus didn’t want to elaborate. He was already regretting what little he had already said. As much as the question was eating at him, the elf wasn’t sure he was ready to have this conversation yet. But now Robbie knew something was wrong…and if Robbie knew something was amiss, he wouldn’t forget about it. And he would worry. Sportacus sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe it would be easier to start if he didn’t have to see the look on the other man’s face.

“I was just…thinking about…the future. What comes next,” the hero relented.

“Well that’s always dangerous.”

Sportacus opened his eyes and frowned at the sky above, unsure how to respond to that.

“Bad joke. Tried to lighten the mood a little,” Robbie sighed. “Forget I said anything. I’m too tired to be funny. Continue.”

It took Sportacus a minute to figure out what to say from there. Even when he spoke again, the thoughts weren’t completely formed and the man just felt like he was rambling. Even so, he couldn’t seem to stop himself as his mouth continuously betrayed his innermost thoughts.

“It’s just that even as a child I had wanted a big family and kids running everywhere calling me Pabbi and I would show them all how to play games and have fun with them on camping trips and everyone would be so happy and it was such a pretty picture but I never really gave it much thought because I didn’t really see how it could happen, but it was a nice thought. Now that I am with you, all those thoughts have been coming back and I keep picturing you there, too, and we’re so happy, but I just don’t see how something like that could happen because things can’t be that simple even if you feel the same way and I don’t know if you do and I’ve been so scared to ask because things have been going so well and I love you so very much and I didn’t want to ruin everything and upset you if you don’t feel the same way that I do, but it just won’t go away and I can’t help—”

“Okay,” Robbie sighed. “Sportacus, _stop_. Slow down. No more verbal diarrhea, alright?”

“Robbie, that’s…gross,” Sportacus mumbled timidly as he stared at his lap and ran his fingers over the comforting edge of the soft blanket. He kept his eyes focused on its stitching so he wouldn’t have to look at his boyfriend’s face.

Either Robbie didn’t hear him, or the man was ignoring his comment outright. Robbie continued. “Let’s take this one step at a time. And a little bit slower this go-round so I can actually understand what you’re saying, maybe?”

Sportacus nodded, head still lowered.

“So,” the villain said with a sigh. “Let’s start with what I think you were trying to get at in the first place. You want kids.”

Sportacus nodded again, more slowly this time.

“Any why is that bad?” Robbie probed gently as his sleepiness finally began to fall away.

Sportacus gave a small shrug before saying “Because…I don’t know if _you_ would want that. You don’t seem to like the children much of the time and—”

“I don’t hate kids,” Robbie interrupted with a hand raised to temporarily halt the conversation. “I hate the _noise_ they make.”

Sportacus finally looked up at his boyfriend at hearing that. Robbie had to force himself to stay still and resist the urge to clutch his chest at the sight of the pathetically sad-looking hero. He offered the tiny muscle-man a small smile of encouragement.

“Continue.”

Sportacus looked almost afraid to speak. “I, well…children…babies…they are _loud_. They make messes, they need attention…” He sighed. “I know you do not like any of that. And I don’t want you to, I don’t know, be blind-sided by it. Or worse, agree to children just to make me happy while you end up miserable. B-but at the same time, I…I can’t help but feel very sad at the idea of not getting to be a father…but…but I don’t know if I could be one even if we both agree. I don’t know if I could do that. I don’t know if I could possible give you children and I feel terrible,” Sportacus whimpered as tears started welling up in his eyes.

Any outright crying was promptly interrupted by Robbie pulling Sportacus across the bed for an enormous hug. The pair was quiet for a little while as Sportacus allowed himself a smidge of comfort from his boyfriend’s gentle arms keeping him safely pinned against their chest. Robbie kissed the top of Sportacus’ head. The hero whimpered before hiding his face in Robbie’s delicate grasp.

“You were starting to spiral again,” the villain whispered as he held the other man close.

“I’m sorry,” came a muffled whimper in reply.

“ _Shhhh. Just_ take a moment and try to calm down. You don’t need to get it all out in one breath. I’m not going anywhere.” Robbie smirked and looked down at Sportacus in an attempt to cheer the man up. “I’m too _lazy_ to go anywhere, remember?”

The elf gave a tiny snort, at least. Robbie started rubbing Sportacus’ back.

“Okay,” Robbie said quietly after he finally felt Sportacus’ body beginning to relax again, “First things first. Are you listening?”

A slight nod brushed his chest.

“Alright. Well, first of all, I don’t have my heart set on anything except being with you. Since I think we can safely say that _that_ part of things is taken care of, we can work on anything more than that together. Nothing is set in stone yet. Okay, Sportasniffle?”

Sportacus gave another small nod and slowly started curling into a ball where he sat, leaning against his boyfriend. Robbie paused his back rubs to pull up the blanket, tucking the edge in around Sportacus’ shoulders like he was trying to wrap the man in a makeshift cocoon. The elf’s head received another kiss and Robbie went back to rubbing small circles along his spine.

“Well now that that’s out of the way, I have a confession to make.”

Sportacus allowed one eye to peek up at Robbie from where he had nestled himself against his partner.

“I…never really pictured myself with a family at all,” Robbie said quietly. “Not in the sense that I didn’t _want_ one, but more…that it never really seemed like a possibility that would come along. I just never thought about it.” He smiled down at the beautiful blue eye staring up at him. “But I never thought I’d have a sweet and gorgeous boyfriend I could seriously consider having children with either,” he pointed out. “I don’t exactly…I mean…I don’t _hate_ children; I just don’t know what to do with the things when they’re around.”

A tiny muffled noise came from the approximate area Robbie guessed Sportacus’ mouth to be.

“Didn’t quite catch that, Sportalump. Wanna untangle a little bit?”

The elf’s face slowly emerged from his blanket cocoon. Sportacus reluctantly pulled back from Robbie’s long arms to sit beside the man instead. He stared at his hands for a few seconds before repeating himself, his voice much clearer now that he wasn’t talking into Robbie’s chest anymore.

“I said y-you’re always wonderful with the children. They love when you play with them, Robbie. They ask about you. You’re their friend. You’re better with them than you think. You’ve come a very long way. You’re excellent with kids, Robbie…when you want to be.”

Trying to hide the pink in his cheeks, Robbie shrugged and continued, speaking a little too quickly, perhaps. “W-well my point _is_ , just because I’ve never _thought_ about having kids before doesn’t mean that I’m c-completely opposed to the idea. Erm...especially when neither of us would have to do the job alone. I want you to be happy, Sportacus, and if children will make you happy, I’m…I’m open to the idea.” He frowned when his boyfriend didn’t look nearly as excited as he expected; if anything, the elf looked almost sadder. “Sportacus? You okay? I, uh…I thought you’d be happy,” he admitted.

“I _do_ want kids,” Sportacus said softly, “But…but I don’t know if I can do it.”

“What did I just say? We’re in this whole thing together, Sportaflop. It’s not like you would have to be an acting single parent or anything. It’ll be you _and_ m—”

“That’s not what I mean.”

A few seconds of silence followed. Robbie opened his mouth to ask what his partner meant by that, only to see Sportacus put a nervous hand to their stomach. The elf wouldn’t meet his eye. Then he understood. Robbie sighed and pulled the hero over in another hug. He kissed Sportacus’ cheek before moving on to his neck.

“You don’t have to go through anything you don’t want to,” he whispered gently in Sportacus’ ear. “I promise. I’ll never make you do that.”

“But I’d have to…”

A frown immediately attached itself to Robbie’s face hearing that. “No,” he said firmly, “No, you don’t.”

“But how can we…?”

“There’s always adoption,” Robbie reminded him gently as he ran his fingers through Sportacus’ soft hair and kissed his temple.

“I-I don’t know if they’d see us as fit parents,” Sportacus mumbled.

 He had thought about adoption before, but between Robbie’s history of  schemes and villainy, along with Sportacus’ inhuman genealogy and unconventional career choice, they would be considered a risky couple at best. He was certain of that…but he didn’t have the heart to tell Robbie all of that, not right now.

“Besides,” the hero added, “That wouldn’t…I mean…” Sportacus sighed, closing his eyes as he forced his brain to form a coherent thought. “But that means I wouldn’t be able to give you your _own_ child. With _your_ laugh and _your_ wonderful hair and _your_ beautiful eyes…”

Robbie’s heart leaped into his throat. He felt it simultaneously swell and break at the same time and the villain couldn’t help but hold his boyfriend close and give him another few reassuring kisses. Leave it to Sportacus to bring him to tears over something he hadn’t even realized he might want in the first place. Stupid, overly loving, sentimental elf worrying so much about Robbie that he was ripping himself to pieces over how to give him a child.

“Sportacus,” he said slowly, cupping the man’s chin and turning his face to look at him. “They don’t need to be blood to be our child. You don’t have to put yourself through anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing, and the baby doesn’t need to come from me—or either of us—for us to start a family together. You’ve already adopted half a townful of kids without me, remember, Sportadad?” he teased.

Finally, a laugh! It was small and timid, but Robbie would take it. He kissed Sportacus’ nose, happy to see his boyfriend’s natural smile slowly returning. The elf just didn’t look right without it.

“B-but what if you change your mind?” Sportacus asked, voice thankfully a bit calmer, steadier than before. “I mean, I…I would love seeing a little you running around some day. I just…”

The smile started disappearing again and Robbie noticed how Sportacus’ fingers were just itching to clutch at his abdomen again. He put a stop to it by taking both of his partner’s hands in his own.

“Maybe a surrogate then,” Robbie offered, undeterred. “It would be tricky to find someone, but it _is_ an option.” He kissed the elf’s cheek and gave his hands a gentle squeeze. Maybe being a bit more blunt would get things through Sportacus’ thick skull. “You keep thinking the only way to start a family is for the pregnant party to be you, and that’s not true. I will make sure that is _never_ forced on you.”

Sportacus looked up at his boyfriend with eyes so big and warm they could melt a glacier. He pulled his hands from Robbie’s and threw them around the man’s neck instead. The elf kissed his boyfriend’s soft cheek and promptly buried his face in the crook of his neck.

“If you want a family, we’ll have a family.” Robbie rubbed Sportacus’ back gently. “As long as I have you, we have family.” He felt the elf’s grip on him tighten. “For now, we have each other, and that’s enough for me. Is that alright with you?”

Sportacus nodded and sat back again with a sniffle and a tiny “Yes.” He wiped his eyes. “But what if I…I mean, what if…unintentionally…?”

“If an accident happens somewhere down the line, we can figure things out then, and I’ll stand by you no matter your decision,” Robbie replied. “But you don’t have to give that another thought right now. _If_ something happens, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. If you want a family, how it happens will be on your terms. I promise. There’s no one else I would rather take that step with than you.”

Sportacus nodded, swallowing his nerves as he let those words sink in. “Thank you, Robbie,” he whispered. He dropped his forehead onto his partner’s chest. “I love you.

Robbie snorted and ruffled Sportacus’ perfect hair. “I know. I _am_ a bit of a heartthrob, after all. I don’t blame you.”

Sportacus giggled.

“Come here, you daft elf,” the man sighed, spinning the hero around to lay next to him.

Sportacus felt like he was hopelessly trapped in the twisted blankets now, but somehow he didn’t seem to mind. The hero rested the back of his head against Robbie’s chest and stared up at the night sky above them. The mist still circled the edges of the bedroom ‘window’ but the constellations beyond were still visible enough for Sportacus to appreciate their beauty. Robbie draped his arms over the elf’s chest and leaned back against the headboard to enjoy the sight as well.

“Thank you, Robbie.”

“Nothing to thank me for, Sportadork.” He found and squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.

“Still.” Sportacus squeezed back.

“If something bothers you this much,” Robbie said after a moment, “Don’t ever be afraid to tell me how you feel.”

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise, Robbie.”

They watched the mist roll by as the stars sat quietly above them. Sportacus drifted into sleep long before Robbie. The villain was too awake to find sleep easily again, but refused to move now that the elf was using him as a pillow. Sportacus deserved some rest. The villain wasn’t entirely sure if he would be ready to start a family anytime soon, nor that he was cut out to be a parent in any capacity, but so long as Sportacus was around, he might be willing to give it a shot. Somehow, Sportacus made the idea seem almost…feasible.

“Good night, Sportaflop,” he whispered to the moonlight. “I love you.”


End file.
